Decisions

According to Maslow, life is supposed to be a sequence of choice points. At each point we have a choice to move to what gives us safety or to where we get exposed to newer aspects of life. The aspect can be a challenge, a danger, a risk, or anything that adds to experiencing life while living each moment, being fully alive (oops!! :) ).

Past few days marked a few choice points. I decided to give up my job. Despite a thousand advices from all my well wishers to find an alternative before leaving it. But an interesting point i wanted to make and nobody understood was that the present job did not give me much time to prepare for the next one. To make it clear I have no intentions whatsoever to continue in the line of "Corporate/Unit Planning", at least the way it is done at my job place. In my view, things which bind me to a job would be one or combination of 1) My Liking the work 2) Compensation offerred for my time and abilities 3) My immediate need for the regular cash inflow into my account on 30th of every month 4) The component of Personal Life it allows me to have.

Pray I'll cut it short, but i'm sad to say that none of these forces are strong enough ot bind me :). So I decided to let go of it and give myself the time and energy needed for a fresh start in a field I'm interested.

Now as I finally let go of it, I scan my brain, mind, heart and soul for my choicest fields on interest.

Finance as a subject for academic interests ( I'm more than ready to learn, study and teach Finance than losing my sleep over minor or major dips and peaks in the wall/dalal street). Finance started to interest me in my MBA and let me mention I was not a great performer in Finance, but my attraction to it remained unmoved by my initial poor grades. So I decided this is something close to my heart.

Classical Music. The mention of it fills me with a surge of nostalgia. A love I left in my adolescence to pursue my academic interests. Now at my job, I realized that my pursuits took almost a decade of my life leaving me dissatisfied all over. Somehow, I feel I cant face it like a lover who betrayed his beloved and himself over an illusion. Sentiments apart, thankfully Music is not the hurt love who will reject me this time. I am looking into my prospects of pursuing it.

Literature, another such love, but not so heavily betrayed :). I have and shall surely find my time to get back to the gang of KM Munshi, Aurabindo and others

Religion, a new found love. If you are wondering if it is possible for a person to have and lose so many a love, here I am, a live example. Probably this particular love has inspired me to get back at others also.

Too many roads leading to further many roads. I take leave for now, seeking a judicial unification of these roads. A path that'll let me feel the Self Actualisation. Having made the first and a very (if not most) difficult decision, it is just a plan and efforts that separate me from my destination (just? :) ) I Shall come back with a clearer and non sentimental roadmaps soon.

OK Tata Bye Bye... Ohh My God, I'm Sorry Ratan ji, OK See you Bye bye

Lesson Learnt Today - Your Anger is your Enemy

As planned in my last post, I originally thought of starting off with a travelogue on the trip to Mahabaleshwar.

But something that happened today caught my attention. The incident is nothing different. Probably, it is the same incident that takes place every now and then in households. But most of us dont give a timely thought and get to damage things more.

I have started writing this blog just after shouting my voice off and banging the kitchen utensils with all the vengeful feelings that I could not show on anyone else. My poor husband ends up being the sink of such occasional outbursts. The reason is not different from the petty household one. My irritation at some of the incomplete house-setting up works (We have moved to a new home roughly a month back). The complication is that I could not fully blame my husband for I was not perfect in organizing things well. The anger went about greeting all the non living unbreakable things at home. My anger was not different from that of any other housewife, but it was the way my husband handled it. Taking all my tantrums, he calmly said, " May be an occasional outburst is necessary so that both of us learn to do things on time, keep things at place and make this home a happier place".

This left me dazed for a second, for instead of reversing the blame game, he clubbed both of our responsibilities so well, accepting his faults as well as reminding mine in such a calm and constructive way. This reminded me of one more telugu poem we learnt in our school days,

"తన కోపమే తన శత్రువు
తన శాంతమే తనకు రక్షా దయ చుట్టంబౌ,
తన సంతోషమే స్వర్గము
తన దుఃఖమే నరకమౌను తథ్యము సుమతి"

The meaning runs like : One's anger is one's enemy while one's peace is one's protector. One's happiness is one's heaven and one's misery is one's hell.


Lesson learnt: Anger is The Enemy. Controlling anger is the first step to overcome the problem that caused it :)

Return to Writing

After 25 years on this Planet, I return at trying out my hand at writing. I remember having a flair for it in my childhood. I still remember the feeling of exhileration when my first article got published in a leading children's magazine which primarily encouraged content from the readers. Almost twelve years later, I find this inner voice telling me to go back to make attempts to vocabularize my feelings.The feelings of rediscovered passions.

As I make this attempt, I should not forget to remember the constant words and acts of encouragement of my husband, parents and a couple of affectionate uncles, Aunts, Teachers and Friends who have stood by me at trying times of my life.

As I resume penning down my thoughts, the first challenge i face after the long break is about deciding on the subject of my writing. While struggling to focus my flowing thoughts turning into words on a subject, I see light in a quote by the eminent Telugu Poet Sri Sri. It goes as "Aggi pulla, Kukka Pilla, Sabbu Billa; Kaadedi Kavitakanarham". (Be it a matchstick, a puppy or a piece of soap, Nothing is this world is undeserving of being a subject of poetry). As an attempt to revere this beautiful creation desribing which my poor vocabulary might fall short, I go ahead making a list of my experiences in life, the memories of my childhood, the inspirations behind my ambitions in life, the various places i visited, that bolstered my learning about this universe, various incidents of my life which lay foundation for my personality and many more. Oh My God, a few moments back I was groping in darkness of subject-poverty and now i seem to be blinded at the brightness of subject prosperity!

Whatever be the next topic of my writing, I dare not proceed without saluting the Goddess of learning, praying her to let my vocabulary expand enough to match the greatness of the world she mothers. I also offer my obeisances to my telugu talli - my mother tongue who had profound effect in bonding my heart with literature. Last but not the least, I also offer my respects to the vast population which would read my writing and contribute moments of their valuable time to help me enhance the quality of my writing with their criticisms and appreciations.

So long till next time.